Life and Other Miracles

cake kiss

Katie — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 18:21:50 +0000

We get married

This is probably rude, but …

Katie — Fri, 27 May 2011 19:31:58 +0000

If you are going to buy us a baby present (THANK YOU, by the way), please, please, please strongly consider buying off our registry (on Amazon.com). Many of these items can be found at places like Babies R Us or Target. Amazon gift cards are great too.

We really need:

Cloth diapers (we’re registered for 3 lots of 12, but you can buy them individually from Amazon or from http://punkernoodlebaby.com/ - Fuzzi Bunz brand, one size).

Baby safety items – eg: the baby monitor, thermometer, and nail clippers

Any of the baby slings/carriers

Swaddling blankets, wash cloths, and hooded towels

Baby bathtub

I am sure that Emily Post would be HORRIFIED, but I really have no expectation of gifts. We just really don’t need more clothes (except for the clothes we are registered for) and don’t have room right now for stuffed animals, etc.

I am hanging my head in shame, I promise.

Remembering Laverne

Katie — Tue, 24 May 2011 17:57:37 +0000

My maternal grandmother – my only surviving grandparent – died early Saturday morning. It was not unexpected. Her health had been failing for years and with a 2-year-old diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, it had felt like she had been gone for a long time already.

It’s awkward to not be sad when someone dies – people seem to expect sadness, and I just can’t deliver. It’s not that I’m happy, I’m just neutral. Do I wish that her last few years had been better? Of course. Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease. I’d take cancer any day. Do I wish that I felt more strongly about the whole thing? Yes. But the fact is, my grandmother was a difficult person to love and I never anticipated that I’d have strong feelings either way.

It’s interesting thinking about her life and my thoughts on the end of it. When my paternal grandmother died a few years back, it was heartbreaking, even though she was 90, blind, deaf, and clearly was ready to go (she frequently asked when the Lord was going to take her home – she had people to see, after all). But Mona was a treasure, sweet and loving, kind, and grateful. She had nine grandchildren and made all of us feel special. She was the story book grandma – the wrinkly face, white hair, soft skin. She had a great laugh.

My grandma Laverne was a different sort of woman altogether. I don’t think she had an easy life and I don’t know that she was ever really happy. And while I know that she loved me and my sister, it was sometimes hard to remember that was the case, particularly when she was busy belittling my mom or insulting my sister. I don’t know that she was unkind on purpose, but I sometimes wonder.

When talking to my sister about our grandma, I made the comment that while Grandma did lots of kind things for people, I don’t think she was really a kind person. She wasn’t a bad person or an evil person - she just wasn’t really a nice person. And this makes it hard to sort through the memories to find happy things to hold onto.

Still, there are things that stand out:

She made us adorable outfits when we were little (with matching ensembles for our dolls).
She took us out for lunch on our birthdays (to Taco Bell, but we weren’t discriminating in our youth).
She took us to musicals – some horrible and some marvelous.
She was a TERRIBLE driver, but always willing to take us to dance or music classes when my mom was working.
She was proud of us, even if she never said it exactly. You could tell in the way that she introduced us to people.

The last time I saw my grandmother lucid was about a year ago, right after Michael and I got engaged. One thing about Alzheimer’s and my grandma – it made her sweeter (at least to her granddaughters). Michael and I were in Portland and stopped by her care home with flowers and a photo. She was so happy to see us and so happy that I was getting married. I don’t know if she remembered the visit, but the photo of us was still in her room a year later, and I know that at the time, she understood. I’d rather hold on to that as a last memory than the image of her in a hospital bed, having difficulty breathing. I think she’d prefer it too.

I believe that there is more to existence than just this life. I believe our time on earth is a lesson that our souls take with them. And so I hope that where-ever my grandmother is now, she is finally at peace.

Insomnia causes brilliance?

Katie — Thu, 12 May 2011 17:10:52 +0000

Probably not, but this is what I was thinking about last night when I was having trouble sleeping, due to the baby deciding it was a great time to perfect her karate chop.

BURNING QUESTIONS ABOUT HARRY POTTER (That’s right. My brain is weird.)

1. Research shows that children who are chronically neglected have pretty terrible outcomes in life. And poor little Harry had to live in a closet. How is he so well adjusted and empathetic? How is he not a serial killer? Is it magic? Also, how did the Dursleys escape the notice of British child services? Harry’s skinny and pathetic, while Dudley is a robust meanie. You’d think his teachers or pediatrician would have noticed.

2. Where do wizard children go to school before Hogwarts? Are there wizard elementary schools? Obviously they learn to read and do math somewhere. Where do Squibs go to school?

3. Voldemort really only seems to menace England and, for whatever reason, Albania. Did Chinese wizards view him as a threat? Was Voldemort the Bin Laden of the wizarding world or more like the Unibomber?

4. Where do wizards go for medical treatment when it is a non-medical malady? Do wizards get cancer? Where do they deliver babies?

5. Wizards have radios. Why not TV?

6. Why do they drink so much pumpkin juice? Pumpkin is a pretty strong flavor. I get the Halloween/Magic connection, but why not apple juice? Or iced tea? Or Coca-Cola?

7. Along the same lines as number 5: Wizards seem to eschew Muggle technology. But was it not a Muggle who invented the flush toilet? Or was that a magical invention that trickled down to the Muggle population? Further – trains, also a Muggle invention. How did students get to Hogwarts before trains?

At this point, I fell back asleep. But burning questions none the less.

Thoughts?

While I still have time to read

Katie — Wed, 11 May 2011 21:24:22 +0000

There are many things I can no longer do because of being pregnant – for example, riding my bike, bending over, taking deep breaths, drinking, or eating sushi. Fortunately, I can still read. Sadly, I haven’t read anything particularly good in the last few months.

However, there have been a few books that are worth mentioning.

First, the Hunger Games trilogy. I’m late to come to this books (much like with Harry Potter) but I love them. I have had to put limits on when I can read them since they are keeping me up way past my bedtime. Currently on the third.

During our honeymoon, I read At Home by Bill Bryson. A biography of sorts about home life in the Western World. I love Bill Bryson (even though he is the reason I fear the explosion of the Yellowstone Caldera) and thought this book was both interesting and amusing.

The third Flavia De Luce book, A Red Herring WIthout Mustard did not disappoint. While none of the subsequent books have thrilled me the way that the first did, I still love Flavia.

Lastly, for a decent mystery (even if the writing wasn’t stellar), I’d recommend The Sherlockian, by Graham Moore. I personally really enjoy the Sherlock Holmes stories, so that may have been partly why I liked it so much. Quick, easy read with a fairly satisfying conclusion.

BOOKS TO AVOID:

I read A Discovery of Witches thinking it was going to be Harry Potter for grownups. Instead, it was Twilight for grownups. Much like in the Twilight books, I was infuriated by the passive heroine, who goes from being fairly capable and successful to completely reliant on her vampire boyfriend. Much to my chagrin, this book appears to be the first in a series. And much like Twilight, I’ll probably read the follow-up. My advice – if you don’t start the first book, you won’t have to read the second.

The Crowning Glory of Calla Lily Ponder, by Rebecca Wells. Wells wrote the Ya-Ya Sisterhood books, which I really enjoyed. This book was awful. Vapid characters, poor plot development, poor writing. Very disappointing.

I’ve got 10 weeks to cram in the books – I’m sure once the baby comes, it’ll be a lot harder (at least for a while) to find the time to read.

ihatebeingpregnant.com is what I’d name my pregnancy website

Katie — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 21:56:28 +0000

So, I have been pregnant for 25 weeks. It feels like 25 years. For real. It’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t pregnant, even though I know I had 29 whole glorious years in which I wasn’t subjected to the “joy” of pregnancy. Those were good days. I could sleep on my stomach, fit in my cute jeans, wear flat shoes without feeling it in my back for the next three days, eat sushi, and, for the love of all that is holy, I could drink. Oh my god, I miss drinking.

Now, this isn’t to say that I’m not GLAD I am pregnant. I totally am. I am super excited to have this baby – can’t wait to see her little face in 15 more weeks. I’m, obviously, grateful that I’m healthy, that she’s healthy, that I had no trouble conceiving, that she is, in fact, a she. Being glad to be pregnant is different than liking being pregnant. And I don’t like it.

I hate it.

I am fat (and please, it’s not beautiful. It’s my stomach, stretched out and weird looking. My belly-button is going to pop any day which will be AWFUL.). My boobs are out of control. I can’t bend over properly. I walk up stairs weird. I have HEARTBURN ALL THE TIME. My ribs feel like they are slowly being pulled apart. I have issues sleeping, despite my sleeping medication (and trust me, I know I won’t sleep much after she is born but that is different than not sleeping because I am so bloody uncomfortable). My bladder will NEVER be the same. I PEE all the time. I can barely shave my legs. And this is at 25 weeks! And I’m carrying SMALL. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.

Also, here are some lies about pregnancy*:

That whole sex drive thing
That round ligament pain is “uncomfortable.” Yeah, if by “uncomfortable” you mean A STABBING PAIN IN MY SIDE.
That your hair will get thick and lustrious
That your skin will “glow”
That you will have crazy food cravings (while not a bad thing, still, it is a LIE).

Additionally, I spent the first 6 weeks of my pregnancy throwing up. I started throwing up before I knew I was pregnant. Do you know what it is like to throw up multiple times a day? To have pregnancy-induced BULIMIA!? (Seriously, I lost 6 pounds.) I admit, that didn’t get me and this pregnancy off to a good start. And while the throwing up has stopped, it’s not like it’s been smooth sailing since then (see above: re sleeping, heartburn, fatness).

Also, there is more going on in my life than this pregnancy. But I feel like that’s all I talk about – which is partly my fault and partly because people ask about it all the time** or say dumb things like “Wow, finally looks like you’ve got a baby in there.” I HAVE HAD A BABY IN THERE FOR 25 WEEKS. This is just another way of saying that I LOOK FAT.

ARRRGH.

I just needed to get that off my chest. There is an annoying expectation in the world that women should LOOOOOOOOVE being pregnant. And I just want to put it out there that NOT ALL WOMEN DO and that I HATE IT.

*I realize that this is unique to my pregnancy. Maybe some women are having balls-to-the-walls crazy sex while eating ice cream and pickles. I am not one of them.

**My friends have been awesome – we totally still talk about other things. Thank you, friends.

Like landing on the moon

Katie — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 21:38:40 +0000

I’ve wanted to write about our trip since we got back, but, as seems to be chronic with me and writing, have lacked the motivation to actually do so. Part of this, I think, is a function of our home environment – we just don’t have a comfortable place to write. The rest, I think, is laziness – I have grown complacent in not writing. This is on the list of things to change – I have this glorious idea that once the baby is born and I am no longer working, I might be able to carve out more time to write. Perhaps that will prove to be foolish, but as yet, I am optimistic.

That said, on to our trip. Michael has already written a great day-to-day synopsis of the trip, which you can read over at his website. He also included some of his photos – though to see more, they have already been posted on Facebook. I am less interested in writing a synopsis than in trying to capture how the experience made me feel.

Considering both the Galapagos and the Amazon Basin, my thoughts on both are simply: it was amazing to be there, and yet, I felt like I shouldn’t be there. Particularly in the jungle, when every step you take is a disruption, scattering ants, branches, leaves, dirt. The path we walked did not appear spontaneously; it is not endemic. The fires we could see above the canopy from the oil refineries was appalling – made worse by knowing that the same oil powered the motorized canoe which took us from Coco to the tributary that led to our wildlife reserve. All this should not be there.

But, of course, it is there. We were there and it is impossible not to feel grateful for the experience. It is hard to describe what it is like to step onto an island and see birds that you will never see anywhere else, because they don’t exist anywhere else. To see cacti growing on equatorial islands, to watch an anaconda (albeit manipulated by people) glide through a swamp, its belly full of its last meal. To watch sea lion pups nursing, penguins grooming themselves, and even to see sea turtles mating, rocked gently back and forth by the waves of the Pacific. Words are not adequate to describe the wonder.

The Galapagos are proof of two miracles – the miracle of Creation and the miracle of adaptation. Whether you see God’s hand in the process or not, you cannot help but be dazzled by the sheer wonder of this world. It is hard not to leave feeling hopeful about the utter resourcefulness of life – but also to be cautioned. These animals, which have adapted so splendidly to the environment of the Galapagos, are at, in many ways, the mercy of humans and our impact on the world (both in the big and small – from garbage floating in with the tide to global warming). This is also abundantly clear in the Amazon, where our thirst for oil has razed not only the habitat of the animals that live there, but also indigenous peoples (our guide spoke eloquently and sadly about how many years after leaving his mother’s village in the jungle, he tried to return, only to find that it no longer existed).

When I think of the Amazon, and to some extent the Galapagos, I cannot help but think of the first line from my favorite book, The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver:

“Imagine a ruin so strange it must never have happened.”

This was the kind of trip that changes a person. And while there was plenty of frivolity (reading on the sun deck, playing endless games of gin with Michael, relaxing by the pool on Santa Cruz), I think I be most forever touched by the gift of my trespass.

2010 … a good year.

Katie — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 18:13:57 +0000

When I was younger and still writing in a journal, every New Year’s Eve, I would write a list of all the good and bad things that had happened that year. Usually, the good list was longer than the bad, and overall, it always served as a reminder of how truly lucky I was to have the life I had. Now, I see very little reason to write about the bad – we hear so much, every day, about the bad that it makes us forget all the moments of good, and 2010 has been very good to me. My relationship is healthy and happy, I have a wonderful new job that has introduced me to so many marvelous people, we’ve got a baby on the way (and the morning sickness is on its way out!), terrific friends both near and far, my wonderful, amazing family, and simple things that certainly not enough people in this world have – enough to eat, a roof over my head, and faith in tomorrow.

This year, of course, has been especially blessed, what with the job, the baby, the engagement. But these are just icing on an already decadent cake. At the end of the day, the greatest things are the people in my life – Meghan, my dad, my mom, Michael, Brad, Lisa, Coralea, Aunt Susan; it’s a list of folks that is too long to write (especially when you consider the sheer volume of Rasers!).

I am grateful, grateful to God, to the universe, so very grateful, for all that I have. I hope in 2011 we are all so lucky.

Tis the season …

Katie — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 20:39:15 +0000

I’m having a hard time believing that Christmas is just around the corner. I think this is partly to do with the fact that I am an adult, I barely get to take anytime off, and most of my Christmas experience is going to be experienced on a train. The absolute only thing I miss about the department (besides Kristina, of course) is how easy it was for me to take time off … not so now.

It’s also influenced by the fact that my wedding is in less than a month and suddenly there are all these little things to attend to - ie: forcing people to RSVP, seating arrangements, finding jewelry, shoes, etc. I’m also really excited about it, so there’s that.

Then, of course, the alien life force living inside of me (currently the size of a kumquat according to this website), which basically has taken over my life. If I’m not throwing up, I’m peeing, or I’m napping, or I’m thinking about the various twinges and twitches that are suddenly reason for concern. And while the baby book keeps telling me my boobs should be huge by now, no such luck. So, right now – thumbs down on pregnancy. Nausea and constipation and no bigger boob benefit? Blah. Supposedly the second trimester will be a glorious period of time, but it’s still 2 weeks away and I am not optimistic.

However, I’m sure that by Friday, when I am home and shooting the breeze with my dad, I’ll change my tune. I love Christmas, normally, and I definitely love the family time that comes with it. 2010 has been a pretty awesome year, so I have a lot to be thankful for. Plus, a lot to look forward to in 2011!

This is how I feel about being knocked up

Katie — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 18:43:39 +0000

I don’t remember what it is called when you assign a word to each letter of another word, but whatever it is, I have created one to describe the “joys” of my current delicate condition.

Puking
Raging hormones
Enigmatic twinges
Gas
No energy
Anxiety
Need to pee again
Constipation
Yay, we are having a baby

But I am sure that I am glowing. Hah.