ihatebeingpregnant.com is what I’d name my pregnancy website

So, I have been pregnant for 25 weeks. It feels like 25 years. For real. It’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t pregnant, even though I know I had 29 whole glorious years in which I wasn’t subjected to the “joy” of pregnancy. Those were good days. I could sleep on my stomach, fit in my cute jeans, wear flat shoes without feeling it in my back for the next three days, eat sushi, and, for the love of all that is holy, I could drink. Oh my god, I miss drinking.

Now, this isn’t to say that I’m not GLAD I am pregnant. I totally am. I am super excited to have this baby – can’t wait to see her little face in 15 more weeks. I’m, obviously, grateful that I’m healthy, that she’s healthy, that I had no trouble conceiving, that she is, in fact, a she. Being glad to be pregnant is different than liking being pregnant. And I don’t like it.

I hate it.

I am fat (and please, it’s not beautiful. It’s my stomach, stretched out and weird looking. My belly-button is going to pop any day which will be AWFUL.). My boobs are out of control. I can’t bend over properly. I walk up stairs weird. I have HEARTBURN ALL THE TIME. My ribs feel like they are slowly being pulled apart. I have issues sleeping, despite my sleeping medication (and trust me, I know I won’t sleep much after she is born but that is different than not sleeping because I am so bloody uncomfortable). My bladder will NEVER be the same. I PEE all the time. I can barely shave my legs. And this is at 25 weeks! And I’m carrying SMALL. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE.

Also, here are some lies about pregnancy*:

That whole sex drive thing
That round ligament pain is “uncomfortable.” Yeah, if by “uncomfortable” you mean A STABBING PAIN IN MY SIDE.
That your hair will get thick and lustrious
That your skin will “glow”
That you will have crazy food cravings (while not a bad thing, still, it is a LIE).

Additionally, I spent the first 6 weeks of my pregnancy throwing up. I started throwing up before I knew I was pregnant. Do you know what it is like to throw up multiple times a day? To have pregnancy-induced BULIMIA!? (Seriously, I lost 6 pounds.) I admit, that didn’t get me and this pregnancy off to a good start. And while the throwing up has stopped, it’s not like it’s been smooth sailing since then (see above: re sleeping, heartburn, fatness).

Also, there is more going on in my life than this pregnancy. But I feel like that’s all I talk about – which is partly my fault and partly because people ask about it all the time** or say dumb things like “Wow, finally looks like you’ve got a baby in there.” I HAVE HAD A BABY IN THERE FOR 25 WEEKS. This is just another way of saying that I LOOK FAT.

ARRRGH.

I just needed to get that off my chest. There is an annoying expectation in the world that women should LOOOOOOOOVE being pregnant. And I just want to put it out there that NOT ALL WOMEN DO and that I HATE IT.

*I realize that this is unique to my pregnancy. Maybe some women are having balls-to-the-walls crazy sex while eating ice cream and pickles. I am not one of them.

**My friends have been awesome – we totally still talk about other things. Thank you, friends.

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